My Body Dysmorphia Disorder

This is an awkward subject to bring up for me.  So a few years ago I posted “The Most Terrifying Pictures I’ve Ever Taken” which were artistic self portraits of myself in a dark room.  I explained about my car accident when I was four and about how I was very shy about my body image.

What I didn’t tell anyone was just how horrified I am about my body image.  Sadly, a lot of people don’t care either.

Ever since I graduated college my weight has fluctuated around thirty pounds or so which, granted, is not bad at all!  But for me…that’s very hard.  I have deep…deep scar tissue in my left thigh from where I skinned on asphalt at age four in the accident that took have my body off.  These were not visible until I was in high school.

I used to get stared at quite a bit even though it was mostly out of curiosity and not really disgust (at least, I hope not!).  With even the slightest weight gain the scars become worse.  I have tried surgery but my surgeon told me it could make the situation worse.  Appalled by that option, I have slipped into depression.

Even though my scar tissue is but one of many things I detest about myself it all bundles into something my doctor described as BDD or Body Dysmorphia Disorder.  To many my faults are minute and not really worth worrying over.  To me they are a bane.

I understand there are many people who have this issue and I have reached out to some in the hopes of maybe helping me come to terms with my own problems…which doesn’t look very promising.  I am a lone creature by nature so discussing such a very sensitive subject with others is almost out of the question but I fear it may be the only option.  I have certain friends I talk to about it and I have my family so it makes me sad for those with no one to turn to.

I have embarked on several journeys to help myself get better.  Recently, I have launched another trip to a healthier me.  I have a pretty decent foundation to help calm my anxiety and social fear so I can lay the foundation for a legitimate strategy for success.

Does anyone else share the same issue?  Are you going through something similar?



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